Hello Humans! Can I call ya humans? I’d like to, in this arena, as it will help me establish a folksy and friendly air that I think voters/readers will relate to.

OK. Now that we’ve got that out of the way, let’s get down to what we came here to do. Which, in case you didn’t know, isn’t actually debate, but is, in fact, artfully dodge questions. At least, that’s what I came here to do. I’d also like to show you how stellar my legs are, avoid acting like an actual thinking, feeling being in any way, lie like the biggest, lyingest dog ever, smirk and wink so much that you become certain I must have some sort of disorder, make stupid mistakes and factually inaccurate statements, and just basically make sure ya know that I’m a fucking idiot. And a power hungry madwoman.

If Sarah Palin had made that her opening statement tonight, I could have more readily forgiven and understood some of the bizarre things she said and did this evening. Given that she didn’t, I’m still a little stunned. Fuck the war on terror, this woman knows how to really stir up shock and awe.

I am in awe of the fact that she repeatedly referred to the general in charge of Afghanistan as General McClellan. Was she talking about Scott? Who the hell knows? Maybe she was hoping we’d focus on her idiotic error rather than paying attention to the fact that this crazy, moronic, inexperienced woman actually said that she is GRATEFUL that our Constitution has provisions for the expansion of the powers of the office of the vice president.

Spend a minute with that.

Or maybe she thought we wouldn’t notice that she out and out lied about Obama’s voting record on taxes. Or that after attempting to establish that she was a friendly sort that really had nothing against Joe BIden as a human being, she failed to even look at the man after he experienced an emotional moment (that, for what it’s worth, I think was probably very sincere) when discussing the loss and near loss of his family.

She may have been trying to distract us from the fact that she has no idea what the fuck she’s talking about at any given time, and that she sounded like a puppet eagerly reciting the talking points she’d been issued by the McCain campaign. From the fact that it was clear that the reason she didn’t answer any of the questions she was actually asked was that she couldn’t. If it wasn’t covered heavily in her debate prep and scripted for her, she couldn’t possibly be expected to converse intelligently on the subject.

How about that moment, when trotting out that tired, tired fucking line about how everyone hates America and our freedoms, this evil, worthless fucking pile of flesh excuse for a human being, who believes that rape victims should be charged for their exams and women who have been raped by their fathers should have no access to an abortion, actually had the sheer goddamn chutzpah to say that the terrorists hate the rights we provide to women. I cannot possibly express how foul and offensive I find it that this “woman” thinks she has the right to even breathe a word about women’s rights. As much as I am typically opposed to the lowering of the discourse among our politicians (and really, how much lower can it go?) I must say that around about this point, I was kind of hoping for a “bitch, please” from Joe Biden. Alternatively, someone actually bitch SLAPPING her would have been nice.

Fortunately, he delivered a pretty strong bitch please throughout the debate. From pointing out her factual inaccuracies (see: the fun with tax votes section, the fun with funding troops vote section, the every time Palin made a statement section), to basically forcing her to come out in support of the protection of civil rights for gays, to finally, finally calling her out on that maverick bullshit, Joe was in fine form. As a bonus, he actually answered the questions asked of him most of the time, which was refreshing. He also managed to pronounce nuclear correctly. I appreciate that.

Even the pundits declaring this a victory for Palin (largely Pat Buchanan, as far as I can tell) had to resort to pointing out how attractive she is as a basis for that judgement. Which I think falls right in line with how hard hitting she really was during this debacle. It’s hard to declare victory when your candidate responds to questions that haven’t been asked, brings every topic back to energy while making idiotic statements even about that, and can’t seem to sort out the fact that the United States consists of more than Alaska.

I wish I could inject more humor into this. I wish I could be funnier. But the closer we get to November 4th, the more we’re confronted with this fact:

There is nothing funny about the fact that Sarah Palin, a young earth creationist who wants creationism taught alongside science in our schools, a person who clearly hates women, as is shown through her backwards policies and stances on women’s rights, an uneducated buffoon with a seemingly endless capacity to offend and bumble, an idiot with no functional understanding of how the economy works, in the midst of a financial disaster,  is this close to being that close to the highest office in the land.

I’m not laughing. I’m hoping like hell that my fellow Americans make the right choice next month, and I’m doing what I can to help.

Ugh. More to come when I’m not typing on a tiny keyboard, shaking with rage.

PS. She said maverick six times before Biden got fed up with it and pointed out just how lame and false that label really is.

PPS. Hey Sarah. Please don’t talk about media filters. You being completely unable to answer simple questions about bedrock issues in US politics is not the result of a media filter. It is the result of you being uneducated, uninformed, unprepared, and a joke.

PPPS. Motherfucking vote, people.

Okay thanks for listening,
XOXO-

tiana

(An actual PS: I am writing this with a tiny keyboard and a slow connection. I’ll update with links when that isn’t the case.)